so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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