I think i peed on brittanys purse
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
two words: eviction party
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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