yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
