i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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