every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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