Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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