You really coming over, don't trick.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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