Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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