Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
