He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
