Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I need a beard to bite.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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