o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
