You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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