OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
