the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
do herpes really smell.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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