i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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