I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
