I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
