is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
