I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
