and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
