from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
