hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
