So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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