If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
