Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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