Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
