I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
