Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
