Quick, to the slutcave!
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
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