You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
