dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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