You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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