How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
They took my balls.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
