I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I am naked and annoyed.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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