True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
