What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
well you can't waste a boner
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
