and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
