It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
