Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
