Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
