The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
