i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
