i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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