I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
