hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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