Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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