would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
