Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
