You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
