yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
