i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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