Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
