Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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