So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
