You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
