It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
