i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
