I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
