who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
