Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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