My sheets look like a crime scene.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Terrible idea I love it
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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