do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
