Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So much rum. So many feels.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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