I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
